Welcome back Mama’s, to my column. There was a little break there but we’re back from our break, so let’s get into it. Today we’re taking a little U-turn from focusing solely on mothers to addressing the real koko: parenting.
Parenting is no walk in the park. Some people think it’s just about giving birth, training the child a little, providing them with what you lacked growing up, and calling it a day. But true parenting? It’s a full package. It’s emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical; and it must never be taken lightly.
That’s why not every couple wants to have kids in their marriage, and that decision does not make them any less committed to each other. Some are simply honest enough to say, “We’re not ready to be responsible for another human being.” Their marriage is built on love, companionship, and personal growth. And guess what? That’s wisdom. Because bringing a child into the world is not just about love – it’s about being prepared and ready to be present.
You see, parenting cannot be misappropriated. It is a calling. The Yoruba people say, “Tí a bá t’ó ṣíṣẹ́, ó tún jẹ́ kí ṣíṣẹ́ naa t’ó ara rẹ̀,” meaning, you can train a child, but that child too must choose to discipline themselves as they grow. But what happens when things don’t go as planned?
Let’s be honest: if you fail an exam, you might be given a second chance. But if you fail while raising a child, if you miss the red flags, if you let crucial moments slide — putting that child back on the right track is not as simple. Only God’s grace can help you. Because children grow and develop a mind of their own. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go,” but what if you delay and that child has passed the formative stage where correction makes a lasting impact? Reformation is not automatic. No be magic. It won’t happen overnight.
Parenting doesn’t always follow a perfect script. Which is why we must be intentional. Your child is your legacy. What you pour into them is what they will carry into the world.
Sometimes, even after raising a child with morals, love, and structure, external influences like friends, music, movies, and the environment can still sway them. But if you’ve done your part diligently, that voice of reason you planted can echo in their subconscious and call them back. However, if they’ve made up their mind and chosen another path, your past teachings may not be enough to force change. Only love, trust, patience, and time can.
Some of us wonder why our kids lie, bully, or fight other children. Meanwhile, at home, we’re celebrating small dishonest wins like changing office reports, lying to neighbours, or insulting people openly. We assume they’re too young to notice. But these kids are watching. They hear everything. They see even more. Their moral compass is shaped more by our actions than by our instructions.
Let me share a story I’ll never forget. I was recently gisting with my siblings and mom, telling them how my son’s speech reminds me of a boy from my childhood. I remembered how that boy talked and was hoping my son would grow into a clear and expressive speaker like him. But the moment I mentioned his name, they told me the boy had died, he was killed in a neighboring country, sent home in a coffin. For stealing.
Category: Motherhood, Parenting, Finding You in Marriage
He didn’t start stealing as an adult. He started young. I remember clearly how his home didn’t give him the guidance he needed. Neighbours would shout at him, embarrass him, even flog him in public. But nothing worked. His father, now late too, would send us as kids to buy him cigarettes. That boy never stood a chance. The vices he saw at home made wrongdoing seem normal.
That’s why we must work on ourselves. For the sake of our children.
And then there’s my own son. One day on our way home, he reminded us just how deeply children learn by observation. He had just learned about traffic lights in school — red means stop, yellow means get ready, green means go. We got to a junction where someone needed to alight. The traffic light was facing us, but it didn’t apply to our lane. As my husband was about to drive off, our son suddenly shouted, “Daddy, don’t drive! Red says stop!”
In his young mind, red means stop. No exception. That’s what he learned in school. That’s what he’d seen his dad obey. So, to him, obeying the red light was non-negotiable. And it hit me hard: if we had been the kind of people to ignore traffic lights, our son wouldn’t have said a word. Because kids don’t just listen, they mirror.
So dear parents, guardians, and caregivers: Be wise. Your children are learning more from what you do than from what you say.
My name is Omolola Oyedele (@mediagirlie.lola on socials)—a mother, a wife, a woman, and your biggest cheerleader on this journey. Motherhood isn’t always easy, but you’re never alone. I’ll be here, rooting for you always. Until next time, mama!
QUIZ TIME - What Are Your Kids Really Learning At Home?
- What everyday habits do you model at home that your children might be silently absorbing?
- If your child’s character was shaped only by what they observe from you, what kind of adult would they become?
- Are you parenting from a place of intention or routine — and how often do you pause to evaluate that?
Take time out (with or without your partner) figuring out the answers and we would love to hear your opinions! So, send in your answers or opinions RIGHT HERE and if you have more questions, feel free to send them our way! This will always be a No judgement zone for you Mama (& Daddies).
