We’ve all been there, haven’t we? That hazy, in-between space where you’re not quite dating, but you’re definitely more than friends. It’s the modern romance conundrum: the situationship. You spend hours talking, share intimate moments, maybe even meet each other’s friends. But the label? That’s MIA. And somewhere along the line, you start catching feelings… hard.
Situationships are tempting. They offer a taste of commitment without the full plunge. It feels safe, like you can back out anytime. Maybe you’re both emotionally unavailable, or perhaps one of you is fresh out of a relationship. Whatever the reason, the lack of definition can be initially appealing. You can enjoy the perks of a relationship – companionship, intimacy – without the pressure of expectations.
But here’s the thing, I suppose, emotions rarely adhere to logical boundaries. As you spend more time with this person, a bond forms. You start to see a future, envision possibilities. The casual nature of the arrangement begins to feel… inadequate. The ‘what ifs’ creep in. What if they’re the one? What if I’m missing out on something real?
The shift is subtle at first. A flutter in your chest when they text. A pang of jealousy when they mention someone else. A growing desire for more – more time, more commitment, more clarity – just more. It’s like the ocean: the water is shallow at first, but quickly becomes very deep. And you find yourself drowning, looking to grab on to anything to come up for just a little air.
This is where things get tricky. You’re falling in love, but you don’t know if the other person is on the same page. You might start dropping hints, testing the waters. Are they reciprocating your feelings, or are you just projecting your desires onto them? The uncertainty can be agonizing… right?
So, what do you do when you find yourself falling for someone in a situationship?
sidebar: I write this while sipping this amazing bottle of wine I just discovered. Thanks to a friend (cc: fiddybunch). It’s a very big bottle! and Taylor Swift “AUGUST” is blasting right through my speakers on repeat. Sigh. Oh! and it’s raining heavy outside… It’s a beautiful wednesday morning to not fall in love with your situationship, please. Or you’ll find yourself begging God to take away the pain. Believe me.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is walk away. You might be afraid of losing the connection you have, even if it’s not what you truly want. But staying in a situationship when you desire a committed relationship can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who is ready to choose you, wholeheartedly and without hesitation.
Falling in love is a beautiful, messy, and sometimes terrifying experience. Don’t let the ambiguity of a situationship dim your shine. Be brave, be honest, and be true to yourself. Your heart will thank you for it.
And in the beautiful words of Miss Taylor – “So much for summer love and saying US cause you weren’t mine to lose – you weren’t mine to lose”.
My name is Vanessa Omena, hoping to be your favorite columnist soon, and I go by @mediagirlienessa on socials (so let’s connect on socials too – I guess). Let’s drink. Let’s talk. Let’s be wine influenced together. Let’s enjoy this ride together. XOXO.
